(Review)
Having reviewed the thoughts in this essay I came to realize that they were motivated by a lack of maturation in my education of Cristian belief in a Catholic grade school beginning in the first grade. Too many events at that time distracted me from my life in God and caused speculation about myself without the proper connection with my God as my Creator.
Principally, I had a urinary tract infection for which I was hospitalized many times over several years in a "Childrens' Hospital" to allow elimination of the infection caused by a kink in the tract, using a procedure of constant irrigation of the tract . These hospital visits were followed by years of office visits until I was around 18 years in age.
At this time, in the early 1940's, they had not developed antibiotics of today to eradicate infection and my doctor correctly reasoned that surgery would not be necessary since with my growth, the tract would stretch and the kink would be removed naturally; but in the meantime irrigation would be necessary to help clear the infection and gradually open the tract. I remember being terrified of these procedures; most were done with ether gas anesthesia which caused me to vomit every time after recovering consciousness.
I remember one time in the hospital hearing a number of footsteps, fearing they were coming to do this procedure while I was in bed. My fear was not unfounded. Unannounced, a team of doctors and nurses descended upon me, the nurses holding me down while I screamed with fear of needles leading the irrigation tube into the urinal tract through what I later learned was called my "penis". No anesthetic. Only after a question from one of the nurses, "Do you want to go home?", words seeming more of a threat than words of comfort, did I submit and was able to calm myself.
Being made fun of at school for wetting my pants required the sisters through several years to privately talk to my fellow students explaining that I was not able to control my urination all the time,. This finally stopped the making of fun.
I bear no ill will toward these hospital doctors and nurses for their ignorance; they had no clue about the effects such lack of understanding and non-provision of information about procedures could have on a young child - they simply were not trained properly. My only consolation is the fact that children are today treated with more consideration of their psychological needs using kindness, reassurance and proper information.
My state of mind in these early times were clouded with moments of fear and lack of understanding of how things in life worked. Hence what follows is the thought of such a person even later in life:
#1 On Existence
One of the most persistent thoughts I have had during my life is the thought and questions that arise from this thought: the thought of my own existence in time. I began my existence on this earth during the middle part of the 20th century. Why during the 20th century? Human beings have existed on the earth for, perhaps, millions of years, as more and more archaeological findings are made all over the world. Why was I not born, or brought into existence before my time in the previous century?
Having reviewed the thoughts in this essay I came to realize that they were motivated by a lack of maturation in my education of Cristian belief in a Catholic grade school beginning in the first grade. Too many events at that time distracted me from my life in God and caused speculation about myself without the proper connection with my God as my Creator.
Principally, I had a urinary tract infection for which I was hospitalized many times over several years in a "Childrens' Hospital" to allow elimination of the infection caused by a kink in the tract, using a procedure of constant irrigation of the tract . These hospital visits were followed by years of office visits until I was around 18 years in age.
At this time, in the early 1940's, they had not developed antibiotics of today to eradicate infection and my doctor correctly reasoned that surgery would not be necessary since with my growth, the tract would stretch and the kink would be removed naturally; but in the meantime irrigation would be necessary to help clear the infection and gradually open the tract. I remember being terrified of these procedures; most were done with ether gas anesthesia which caused me to vomit every time after recovering consciousness.
I remember one time in the hospital hearing a number of footsteps, fearing they were coming to do this procedure while I was in bed. My fear was not unfounded. Unannounced, a team of doctors and nurses descended upon me, the nurses holding me down while I screamed with fear of needles leading the irrigation tube into the urinal tract through what I later learned was called my "penis". No anesthetic. Only after a question from one of the nurses, "Do you want to go home?", words seeming more of a threat than words of comfort, did I submit and was able to calm myself.
Being made fun of at school for wetting my pants required the sisters through several years to privately talk to my fellow students explaining that I was not able to control my urination all the time,. This finally stopped the making of fun.
I bear no ill will toward these hospital doctors and nurses for their ignorance; they had no clue about the effects such lack of understanding and non-provision of information about procedures could have on a young child - they simply were not trained properly. My only consolation is the fact that children are today treated with more consideration of their psychological needs using kindness, reassurance and proper information.
My state of mind in these early times were clouded with moments of fear and lack of understanding of how things in life worked. Hence what follows is the thought of such a person even later in life:
#1 On Existence
One of the most persistent thoughts I have had during my life is the thought and questions that arise from this thought: the thought of my own existence in time. I began my existence on this earth during the middle part of the 20th century. Why during the 20th century? Human beings have existed on the earth for, perhaps, millions of years, as more and more archaeological findings are made all over the world. Why was I not born, or brought into existence before my time in the previous century?
Where did I come from? As a Christian I believe I have a soul. As I understand it, every human person brought into existence has a soul. A soul in a person is the spiritual part of the person. When a human person is first conceived in its mother’s womb the father and mother are in a sense co-creator’s with God of their new offspring’s body and soul. But where does the soul come from at the moment of conception of that person in the womb? Is it a brand-new, never having existed before, soul? In my case, why was the new soul me? I began to exist from the moment of conception in my mother’s womb. Why me? Did God decide to give me existence at that moment in time but not before? Why me and not someone else?
That I exist at all never ceases to be a wonder to me. I, I exist! I observe the beauties of the world around me! A frightening thought occurs to me when making these observations, namely, what if my parents failed to have me as their son by perhaps some accident, disease, separation, death? Would I, never have existed? Or would I have been brought into existence later by perhaps other parents and I would have existence as a totally different person? Or would I be the same person but in a different environment with different parents but still be the same I?
Are there perhaps a great multitude of persons who never came to be because of the many failures in the very nature of human procreation, or perhaps, because of decisions made by prospective parents not to have any children or to limit the size of their family? It is more a problem of the present-day for parents to make such decisions, that is, to be able to make such decisions. But my point is: what happens to human persons who were supposed to have been born but were not? Do they come to be or exist at a later time?
I don’t think this kind of thought on our existence is unique to me. However, it may be more unique to a person who believes in the existence of God. The reason for this is that a belief in God brings with it a belief in an after−life in which we will exist, after death, for eternity. To live in eternal bliss with God with none of the problems and pain that we have to go through with our existence in time on earth, is such a pleasing thought that to be naturally thankful to God for giving us this gift of life, of existence, through time and eternity, must surely be the reason for having the fearful thought: What if I had never been born? What if I never were to exist?
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