Fathers' Day and Humor

Years ago when my younger daughter was 10 years of age or so, I was driving the family at night on the highway leading to our home. My memory does not allow me to know exactly what the circumstances were but I do recall that my younger daughter was apparently a bit rambunctious and I roughly shouted at her that she be quiet. She was sitting in the back of the car and the silence of the four  of us in the car was deafening. I felt guilty that I had been so lacking in control in shouting as loudly as I did.

Out of the deadly silence came my daughter's voice saying sadly “nobody loves me”. The intensity of my guilt was matched only by the pain of emptiness of mind for any suitable response.  Then came a second cry from my daughter "nobody cares".  I don't recall my exact feelings but it was probably close to a desire to be propelled from my seat as a pilot ejected from a fighter in trouble.

What happened next brought all of us to the reality of the situation;  my daughter next said:
 "nobody picks me peaches and pears" quickly followed by "nobody offers me candy and Cokes", "nobody listens and laughs at my jokes", plus many other lines of a poem she had memorized which clearly demonstrated her use of humor to solve the silliness of my un-father-like shouting.

This Sunday is Fathers' Day and this event of many years ago was an invaluable lesson in bringing about a change in my approach to being a better father and most importantly the realization that humor can break the impasse brought about by a tendency to take a confrontation too seriously.

One example comes to mind when a family argument involving my two daughters, their mother and me.  My daughters left the scene hurt and angry; I followed them into the younger daughter's room, and closed the door; the three of us remained in silence for several minutes as I looked out the window at the garden waiting for an opportunity to calm the seething thoughts.  

All of a sudden my younger daughter (the same one who had memorized the poem some years before) asked what I was looking at outside the window.  Here was my opportunity to break the icy silence:  "I was looking at a bush and noticed a lady bug on one of it's leaves and the bug, on closer inspection, was being bothered by gnats crawling on its back, while the gnats seemed to be bothered by even smaller insects on their backs and these insects in turn...................".   At this point my daughters left the room, their minds seemingly cleared of troubling thoughts as they went about their normal activities.

My favorite Fathers' Day card is one that shows how important good humor is to a father who wants to be a good father to his children.